06. They're dead

1993 Aug 16

I checked on my mom adn dad before I went to bed. I thought they were asleep at first, but there wasn't any breatheing. My mom's hand is totally cold.......

Called 911 but no response. I went next door to Tony's, but he didn't answered. His car's in the driveway so I knocked on the glass until I accidentally shattered it a little.

My mom and dad are dead. They're lying on the couch and neither of them is breathing. No heartbeat for hours.

My life is totally ruined. I don't know how I'm supposed to do anything feeling like this.

I don't know when it happened, if they just croaked when I was sleeping or playing computer or what. I thought they were sleeping and I was having some peace at last, but they were dead and I didn't know for hours.

They're too heavy to move into the car, I tried dragging my mom but she's always been big. I feel like I don't know what the hell to do. I'm just here following old patterns, writing my thoughts as everything dies around me.

I know I have to bury them. I have to get the shovel from the garage, pick a spot I think they'd like and dig two big holes. I have to dig deep otherwise they'll come back up when it rains.